I need advice now!

[I got that confident soul]

i met this girl online and we been talking like 3 to 5 hours per night on the phone for the past 2 weeks. We hadn't met up because of our conflicting schedules. I had already seen pictures of her and she was very cute.

We have been getting along great and we have very similar backgrounds, interests and goals--something hard to find.

she has a few things in her past, but nothing i can't forgive.

But, she was diagnosed with lupus last year and it has caused her to gain a lot of weight, get acne and have thinning hair--all common problems for lupus. When we talked about it she made it sound like it wasn't that much weight--she even said she wasn't fat. I looked it up and most women with lupus lose some of the fat, not all tho, but the acne and thinning hair stops. After 5-8 years, when it goes into remission, they could get back to their regular weight.

But i met her today and she was really fat, unattractively fat. It was awkward the first 20 minutes cuz it was like i didn't even recognize her from her pictures, but as we talked i started to get attracted to her personality again. So we made out a little lol.

im conflicted cuz i am totally not attracted to her physically, but i really like her story and personality.

what should i do?

[ST1llmatic]

ask yourself, can her personality suck a mean dick?

[STAINLESS STEEL]

ask yourself, can her personality suck a mean dick?

LMAO!!!!!!!!

This story is funny as fuck.

Jus be straight up with her. Tell shes cool n all, but she ain't really your type and you ain't attracted to her. If her hittin the gym won't even help cos of her lupus. Tell her you'll see her in 5-8 years and bounce.

What I don't understand, you that you say she was unattractively fat, but you still made out with her??? wtf man??? You mus find her attractive. Did you do that shit outta pity?? smh

[Bossanova]

I don't think you should've made out with her before you knew the answer to this question. Now you're kind of toying with her feelings and sending mixed signals.

If you're the kind of person who can look past the physical appearance and appreciate her for who she is, the kind of person she needs, then pursue the relationship. If you're not that person, leave her alone now without wasting any of her time or yours.

[Wil Munny]

Well I can tell you that looks are always there. Behind any solid long lasting relationship is an attraction to each other personality wise. Keeping it real with you. If she is there personality wise. You guys can talk for hours so that is saying a lot. I am sorry I have not taken the time to read up on lupus. But I know people who have started off as the pretty could and some illness occurs and then they are not a picturesque as they once were. However the feelings for each other are there and that is enough.

Hell, I know a dude that became a paraplegic and wifey stayed with him. How she did it was a testament to what all dude want. The ultimate bottom chick. As yourself if it were the other way around how would you want her to look at you?

PS

I am starting my dr. ibarfly advice column back up on my page. I have been asked about it and kind of decided to start it back up. I hope this helps you dude.

[Miss Teri]

I think if you can't get over the physical then you need to be upfront with the girl. I think if you had a relationship with her before all this happened it would be different, but you just met face to face. I think it's a little messed up that she is putting up old pictures of herself knowing she doesn't look like that anymore.
The physical part is a big part of a relationship... in the beginning it's one of the first things you go off of. Overall, be honest..think about how you would want this played out if the shoes were reversed. Just make sure to let her know soon... And DON'T make out with her anymore if she is "unattractive".

[I got that confident soul]

thanks for the input

i now feel better about cutting her off, because it's probably just best for both of us

[ur_next_ex]

YEAH YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. NO NEED TO GIVE HER THE IMPRESSION THAT THE TWO OF YOU HAVE A FUTURE TOGETHER AND BESIDES, THAT WOULD JUST BE TYING UP HER TIME THAT SHE COULD BE USING TO FIND SOMEONE THAT WAS A LOT MORE INTO HER THAN YOU WILL EVER BE.