Antonio Black
07-20-2008, 04:16 PM
One of my boys asked me to write this blog. Correction, I was inspired to write this blog after what he had told me when we spoke earlier today. My friend is younger, 22 to be exact. He was going through some issues. His girlfriend, whom he dated for about 3 years, broke up with him. When I asked him why did she break up with him I expected the normal I don't know, which is the usual cover-up for "I cheated and got busted." But his response to my rhetorical question caught me off guard. I didn't think he would give me an answer in which I would have to think about and feel obliged to explore. He told "she left me because she said that I'm not balling, and giving her the things she needs in life, when there are other niggas out there capable of doing so, and that's where she'll be." He went on to add that she felt that he was a waste of her time. My friend came to me humbled, his confidence shattered, his self esteem minimized, and most critical, his heart broken.
I didn't want to be too quick to jump on sides, because quite possibly she had a point. Nobody should stay with somebody who doesn't give them what they need or what they desire. But as I started to read the "tale of the tape" my perception changed dramatically in his favor.
Let's see. My friend is 22 years old. He is a full time college student, working part time in Best Buy, and he lives with his mother. I actually think that's normal for a 22 year old, especially in New York City. Okay now her. From the information I gathered from him about her, she is 22 as well and she also goes to school full time. She doesn't work. Her parents support her lifestyle, and they are middle class, so she can't complain. From the looks of this, they seem compatible, and their life directions seem similiar. They've been together since they were both 19. Actually, they met in college.
He told me he loved being around her. They had fun together. The first two years of their relationship was great. Once she turned 21, he said, this is when the problems began. She was able to go to the clubs with her click, her horizon was broadened. She now had access to an environment in which the age range was wide. Add to the fact that she was a real beautiful young lady and she had older men fawning over her. When I say old, I don't mean men old enough to be her father, but out of her age bracket, between the ages of 25 and 34. These men were able to provide more for her than her present boyfriend, and with her friends in her ear, she was more susceptible to taking the bait.
She started giving guys her phone number. Dudes started coming through in their Accuras or whatever they were driving, to pick her up and take her places. Her boyfriend was still using public transportation. There was one dude that she started to be around constantly. He had to be around 28 or 29. He used to "trick" on her or buy her really nice things. Lord knows what he used to tell her, but I do know these young girls are impressionable. Her friends kept telling her, that she needs to leave her boyfriend because you can't keep waiting for him to "come up", while you got dudes in front of your face ready to put it down. From then on, she started treating him like shit.
She used to complain "why you don't have a car yet" or 'why don't you have a real job", "why you still in your mother's crib". You know, things she didn't even care about before she started meeting these brothers who were getting it. She made him feel very little. Her lifestyle was changing, and she basically couldn't see how he could fit into her grand scheme of things, so eventually he was dismissed. So here we are today.......
First I'll get into my remarks, and then I will tell you what I told him. My thoughts on this. Technically, she reserves the right to make any changes in her life if she feels they attribute to herself, as shallow as they be. Her dramatic changes demonstrated her inability to think for herself (her friends and them dudes gassing her). She dumped her boyfriend because she felt the other dudes could offer her more, because they were older and further along in life. This could possibly be true, and I can't fault her for this, but I do believe in Karma. It's never what you do, it's how you do it. Personally, I think what she did was insensitive and showed disloyalty. She was developing the traits of a gold-digger, perhaps?
But enough about her, what I told him is what really matters. And for all my fellas in this same situation, I want you to listen closely, for I will never steer you wrong.
First thing is you don't want a woman like that in your life. Charge her to the game immediately. She was expecting entirely too much for a brother at that age, and it was shameful for her to compare you to an older brother. In time you'll get there, and you might quite possibly be better off than that better, but never compare yourself to the next man. Live life at your pace, do things the way you feel are pertinent to your success. A lot of dudes fuck up when they live their lives in a manner to impress woman. Shorty says she only deals with ballers, so you try to become one.
Have you once checked the resumes of some of these chicks. I actually find it hillarious. Look at his ex-girlfriend. She doesn't even have a job, yet she is telling him to step his shit up. I find it pure comedy. Alot of women are like that nowadays. They feel "they deserve the finer things in life". Well let me tell you a secret we've held in for many years ..... "any thing you that you didn't earn on your own, you don't deserve to have".
Older guys prey on younger girls because they know they are susceptible to money, nice rides, cribs, etc. For the most part an older guy chases a younger girl for sex. Speaking for myself, I am 28... what the fuck could I do with a 21 year old other than some physical therapy? We don't got shit in common, and don't give me that women mature quicker line... a lot of yall are in your early 30s still in your second childhood. Once these younger girls get older, they get bumped for the even younger ones with tighter bodies. Nobody is in the club trying to holla at the 30 year old chick with the 2 kids at home. She used to be a "diva" but she ended up getting ran thru by all the ballers, lied to, deceived, abused, and left with nothing to show for it. This is the timeline of a female who chases the money of other men. very few are fortunate to spring a baller who keeps them. However, at the end of the day, a man with credentials and financial security wants a woman who can compliment him, not sexually, but both financially and academically. Sure, a nigga will trick on a chick for some ass, but he's not going to do that for love. Correction, there are some simp niggas like that out there ladies. Don't give up. lol
But do you see what I'm getting at? I'm not saying that it is wrong for ladies to gravitate to something better. I'm saying that if you don't have anything established for yourself, then you are susceptible to whatever comes your way, because you are chasing a lifestyle that hasto be provided by somebody else.. and there intentions may not be good.
So I told my little homie, to keep doing him. Once you finish school, and start on your career, you'll have more financial freedom. Women will gravitate to you... some like your scandalous ex, and others who appreciate a stable man and are willing to bring something to the table as well. Pretty face and nice waist chicks are good for sleeping with, but that's about it.. and that only lasts for the 8-10 years of their prime. Once the game is over, most of these women find themselves scrambling to find a man who will love them and take them in. Karma, right? lol. Weed out the whores, groupies and gold diggers. A real women will never stress you about what you have. Why? Because she's too busy taking care of her own. She doesn't need yours, but she would just like you to have.
Now if you're in your late 20s, and your shit ain't established fellas.. then you fucked up somewhere. Don't worry tho, you always got time. Unlike women, we can remain in the game for many years to come.
If you ain't remember shit I wrote, or just too lazy to read it... remember this
"Never expect anything of somebody else that you wouldn't expect of yourself"
Peace
I didn't want to be too quick to jump on sides, because quite possibly she had a point. Nobody should stay with somebody who doesn't give them what they need or what they desire. But as I started to read the "tale of the tape" my perception changed dramatically in his favor.
Let's see. My friend is 22 years old. He is a full time college student, working part time in Best Buy, and he lives with his mother. I actually think that's normal for a 22 year old, especially in New York City. Okay now her. From the information I gathered from him about her, she is 22 as well and she also goes to school full time. She doesn't work. Her parents support her lifestyle, and they are middle class, so she can't complain. From the looks of this, they seem compatible, and their life directions seem similiar. They've been together since they were both 19. Actually, they met in college.
He told me he loved being around her. They had fun together. The first two years of their relationship was great. Once she turned 21, he said, this is when the problems began. She was able to go to the clubs with her click, her horizon was broadened. She now had access to an environment in which the age range was wide. Add to the fact that she was a real beautiful young lady and she had older men fawning over her. When I say old, I don't mean men old enough to be her father, but out of her age bracket, between the ages of 25 and 34. These men were able to provide more for her than her present boyfriend, and with her friends in her ear, she was more susceptible to taking the bait.
She started giving guys her phone number. Dudes started coming through in their Accuras or whatever they were driving, to pick her up and take her places. Her boyfriend was still using public transportation. There was one dude that she started to be around constantly. He had to be around 28 or 29. He used to "trick" on her or buy her really nice things. Lord knows what he used to tell her, but I do know these young girls are impressionable. Her friends kept telling her, that she needs to leave her boyfriend because you can't keep waiting for him to "come up", while you got dudes in front of your face ready to put it down. From then on, she started treating him like shit.
She used to complain "why you don't have a car yet" or 'why don't you have a real job", "why you still in your mother's crib". You know, things she didn't even care about before she started meeting these brothers who were getting it. She made him feel very little. Her lifestyle was changing, and she basically couldn't see how he could fit into her grand scheme of things, so eventually he was dismissed. So here we are today.......
First I'll get into my remarks, and then I will tell you what I told him. My thoughts on this. Technically, she reserves the right to make any changes in her life if she feels they attribute to herself, as shallow as they be. Her dramatic changes demonstrated her inability to think for herself (her friends and them dudes gassing her). She dumped her boyfriend because she felt the other dudes could offer her more, because they were older and further along in life. This could possibly be true, and I can't fault her for this, but I do believe in Karma. It's never what you do, it's how you do it. Personally, I think what she did was insensitive and showed disloyalty. She was developing the traits of a gold-digger, perhaps?
But enough about her, what I told him is what really matters. And for all my fellas in this same situation, I want you to listen closely, for I will never steer you wrong.
First thing is you don't want a woman like that in your life. Charge her to the game immediately. She was expecting entirely too much for a brother at that age, and it was shameful for her to compare you to an older brother. In time you'll get there, and you might quite possibly be better off than that better, but never compare yourself to the next man. Live life at your pace, do things the way you feel are pertinent to your success. A lot of dudes fuck up when they live their lives in a manner to impress woman. Shorty says she only deals with ballers, so you try to become one.
Have you once checked the resumes of some of these chicks. I actually find it hillarious. Look at his ex-girlfriend. She doesn't even have a job, yet she is telling him to step his shit up. I find it pure comedy. Alot of women are like that nowadays. They feel "they deserve the finer things in life". Well let me tell you a secret we've held in for many years ..... "any thing you that you didn't earn on your own, you don't deserve to have".
Older guys prey on younger girls because they know they are susceptible to money, nice rides, cribs, etc. For the most part an older guy chases a younger girl for sex. Speaking for myself, I am 28... what the fuck could I do with a 21 year old other than some physical therapy? We don't got shit in common, and don't give me that women mature quicker line... a lot of yall are in your early 30s still in your second childhood. Once these younger girls get older, they get bumped for the even younger ones with tighter bodies. Nobody is in the club trying to holla at the 30 year old chick with the 2 kids at home. She used to be a "diva" but she ended up getting ran thru by all the ballers, lied to, deceived, abused, and left with nothing to show for it. This is the timeline of a female who chases the money of other men. very few are fortunate to spring a baller who keeps them. However, at the end of the day, a man with credentials and financial security wants a woman who can compliment him, not sexually, but both financially and academically. Sure, a nigga will trick on a chick for some ass, but he's not going to do that for love. Correction, there are some simp niggas like that out there ladies. Don't give up. lol
But do you see what I'm getting at? I'm not saying that it is wrong for ladies to gravitate to something better. I'm saying that if you don't have anything established for yourself, then you are susceptible to whatever comes your way, because you are chasing a lifestyle that hasto be provided by somebody else.. and there intentions may not be good.
So I told my little homie, to keep doing him. Once you finish school, and start on your career, you'll have more financial freedom. Women will gravitate to you... some like your scandalous ex, and others who appreciate a stable man and are willing to bring something to the table as well. Pretty face and nice waist chicks are good for sleeping with, but that's about it.. and that only lasts for the 8-10 years of their prime. Once the game is over, most of these women find themselves scrambling to find a man who will love them and take them in. Karma, right? lol. Weed out the whores, groupies and gold diggers. A real women will never stress you about what you have. Why? Because she's too busy taking care of her own. She doesn't need yours, but she would just like you to have.
Now if you're in your late 20s, and your shit ain't established fellas.. then you fucked up somewhere. Don't worry tho, you always got time. Unlike women, we can remain in the game for many years to come.
If you ain't remember shit I wrote, or just too lazy to read it... remember this
"Never expect anything of somebody else that you wouldn't expect of yourself"
Peace